What's Cookin'?

Just a taste from this week's New Yorker:

The sleeping pill Ambien seems to unlock a primitive desire to eat in some patients, according to emerging medical case studies that describe how the drug’s users sometimes sleepwalk into their kitchens, claw through their refrigerators like animals and consume calories ranging into the thousands.
—The New York Times

THE AMBIEN COOKBOOK
By Paul Simms

Sorpresa con Queso
Ingredients:
7 bags Cheetos-brand cheese snacks
17 to 19 glasses tap water

5 mg. Ambien

Place Cheetos bags in cupboard.
Take Ambien, fall asleep.
Wait 2-3 hours, then sleepwalk to kitchen, tear cupboard doors off hinges in search of Cheetos.
Find Cheetos, eat contents of all 7 bags.
Fall back asleep on kitchen floor.
When awakened by early-morning sunlight, get up and say, “What the—?”
Wipe orange Cheetos dust from fingers, face, and hair.
Drink 17 to 19 glasses of water from kitchen tap.
Return to bed

Icebox Mélange
Ingredients:
Entire contents of refrigerator
1 Diet Snapple
5 mg. Ambien

Take Ambien, fall asleep.
Wait 2-3 hours, then sleepwalk to kitchen.
Devour everything in refrigerator (including all fancy mustards and jellies, iffy takeout leftovers, and plastic dial from thermostat).
Belch loud enough to wake wife or girlfriend. When she enters kitchen, bellow, “Can’t you see I’m working here?”
Fall asleep on kitchen floor.
After 4-5 more hours, wake up on subway, fully dressed from the waist up, drinking a Diet Snapple.

So Much For The Accordians

New day. New post. Somebody sent this to B and I think it's pretty cool. This is a night time shot of a tornado that went through Sedalia, Missouri in the spring. I've never seen anything like it and I come from the Midwest. If I had, I might not be here now. Click on the picture for a better look.

And As A Result.........

Now I'm gonna be thinking about accordians all day! Perfect.

Me To The World - "Uh, We Have To Talk"

Yeah, you do know I have some twisted need to check my horoscope every day. What to do about today's? Oh, probably nothing, but it makes for a good read. Random thought; I like accordian music very much. As for your horoscope.....you don't wanna know, but I recommend you stay away from sharp objects.

This is the right moment, FancyPants, to extricate yourself from relationships that you feel have seen their day. This won't be easy to do, but you must. In both your professional and private life, you are too hesitant to get out of situations or obligations that are distasteful to you. You are afraid of hurting people or of making them mad. But, in the end, you are hurting yourself. Give more importance to your own needs, and follow your own path.

"Scenes From A Mall"

Not just the title of a Paul Mazursky film starring Woody Allen and Bette Midler; this has become the background dialogue of my existence since I started working at a shopping center again after being 'mall-free' for a decade. Wow.

World Still Going To Hell - Seattle Already There!

It's midnight. It's 82 degrees. Gotta go see if I left any pets or kids in the car, "even for just a few minutes". Screw the neighbors, though. They're too busy destroying what used to be a nice building and I ain't checking on 'em unless they return the elevator emergency phone.

Report: Kim Jong Il Takes New Wife

Widowed N. Korean Leader Marries His Former Secretary
- Sources Describe Kim Ok As "Cute"



SEOUL, South Korea - North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has taken his former secretary as his new wife, South Korea’s Yonhap news agency reported on Sunday, citing sources familiar with the country.
“I heard Kim has been living together with a woman named Kim Ok, who was his secretary, since Ko Yong-hi (Kim's wife) died two years ago,” Yonhap quoted a South Korean government source as saying.
She studied piano at the North’s elite Pyongyang University of Music and Dance and worked as the leader’s secretary from the early 1980s. Kim Ok also travelled with him when he made a secret visit to China in January and met Chinese leader Hu Jintao, the news agency said.
“She is a cute woman rather than a beauty like the leader’s previous wives or live-in women,” another South Korean government source said.

So I did a Google image search to see what she might look like and put together a collage of some of the results for 'Kim Ok'. One of these lucky ladies, or this set of triplets, or perhaps this tray of sushi, is the new first lady of North Korea. Congrats, you newlyweds! My personal pick is the teenage slacker-girl, because Kim deserves to feel some of the hell he's put us through with that missle testing. Even better if she's the one with "Jesus in her toast" on MySpace.

That's One Jesus On A Raft - Hold The Mayo

Faith-Based Diet Says Reach For Bible Instead Of Ben & Jerry's

For years, Cherri MacPherson lived in bondage, a prisoner of her own obsession with food. The Brier, WA woman worried about what she ate and fretted about exercise. She collected low-fat cookbooks, trying to learn a new way to eat after a childhood of hearty farm fare. She tried one diet after another. The pounds slipped off and then back on no matter what she tried. "Jogging, the treadmill, aerobics; I was the aerobics queen," MacPherson said. She'd be at the gym "5:30 in the morning religiously." (insert your own joke here- FP) "It was bondage, and I was in a prison. (I know, I know; there's that 'b' word again.....FP) If I went on a vacation, I'd be afraid to eat." After the birth of her fourth child, the weight came on with a vengeance. MacPherson, 5 feet, 4 inches tall, weighed 175 pounds at her heaviest. (Visualize that 'Square-Sponge-Bob-Guy', or whatever his name is. That's the kind of figure we're talking about here).

For a while, she tried to be satisfied with her new larger self. "Deep down, it was hard to be happy," she said. Then in 1997 a friend gave her a set of tapes from a Bible-based weight-loss program. It was the beginning of a transformation for MacPherson, outside and in. She would lose more than 50 pounds, strengthen her faith and develop "a beautiful new way of looking at it all." The program MacPherson used, the Weigh Down Diet, sounds too good to be true: no dieting or exercise, no supplements, pills or surgery, no forbidden foods. Instead, participants are advised to eat only when hungry and to stop eating when satisfied. And, more importantly, MacPherson said, they're encouraged to replace a fixation on food with a passion for God.
Too often, people eat to fill up a void in their hearts rather than nourish their bodies, MacPherson said, and that is a distortion of what God intended for humans. "Instead of eating for comfort, we should be letting God take care of our heart," MacPherson said.

Participants are encouraged to read Scripture if they are tempted to overeat. Listening to God's will and not her own was difficult in the beginning, MacPherson said. When she'd falter and eat more than she should, "I'd pick myself up, say 'I'm sorry' to the Lord." MacPherson found other benefits besides a shrinking waistline. She said she felt happier, more patient. Life is better now, not just because she is thin but because she developed "a deeper relationship with God," she said.

The Weigh Down Diet isn't new. Gwen Shamblin, a registered dietician from Nashville, Tenn., began taking her program to churches in 1992. It is not the only diet program to connect faith and weight loss but it's one of the most prominent. In 1997 Shamblin published a best-selling book outlining the plan, "The Weigh Down Diet." Today, the program continues to grow, with more than 30,000 Weigh Down Workshop locations in all 50 states, Canada and overseas.
An eight-week session costs about $125, which includes materials and weekly support meetings. Members typically take more than one session with later sessions offered at a reduced price, MacPherson said. She believes in the program so strongly, she now volunteers to lead sessions of the program as a coordinator, a position she receives no compensation for. She stopped attending her church and went to a local group connected to the same Tennessee-based Christian fellowship that the diet's founder attends. "I just know what it has done for me," she said. "It's changed my life."

The picture I used with this post is from some clueless MySpace kid; she claims to have seen Jesus in her Wonder Bread toast at breakfast time.....Personally, I could almost make out his image in the picture, but I decided to enhance it anyway. It's toast. It's Jesus. End of story. OK...Jesus with a ciggy. Dieting is a bitch. Even Jesus needs something to do with his hands if he's not eating!

The Return Of The "Sheep On The Milk Carton"

Davina~ I found her!
(Well, I never said this site was going to be 'animal-free')

The Trans-Species Power Of A Child's Toy

Who knew the traditional jack-in-the-box held such magical powers? Click the link to see an owl turn into a pussycat!

While We're On The Subject......

There's been way too much bad stuff to think about lately, so here's a picture of a bunny. Awwww. Reminder to B: Just say "No Way" to cassoulet!

And If You're Considering Ordering Carrots When Dining Out

Your waitperson can always suggest argument-free alternatives!

Newsflash! Carrots Not Good For Eyesight, After All

Man accused of blinding wife with carrot tossed in anger

MONROE, Conn. - A 46-year-old man is accused of assaulting his wife with a carrot, causing her to lose sight in one eye. Roderick Vecsey is charged with second-degree assault and disorderly conduct.

Pamela Vecsey, 46, underwent six hours of surgery after being hit in the left eye with the vegetable Saturday night, but doctors were not able to restore her vision, prosecutor Stephanie Damiani said.

The couple was arguing when Roderick Vecsey tossed the carrot, Damiani said. Roderick Vecsey told Judge Patrick Carroll that it was a terrible accident and was advised to remain silent. The judge set a hearing for Thursday. Vecsey is currently free after posting $500 bond.

Fun (non-dangerous) Facts About Carrots:

The carrot originated 3,000 years ago in Middle Asia in the area of Afghanistan.
The first carrots were white, purple and yellow.
Orange carrots were developed in the 1600's by the Dutch.
Baby carrots were first introduced in 1989.
Carrots are a good source of Vitamin A, fiber, potassium and Vitamin C.
Carrots are great for snacking.

Please people, use carrots responsibly. Remember, friends don't let friends.....oh, whatever. If you feel compelled to "toss" a carrot, why not just throw it in a salad?

US Gov't To Stranded Citizens; "Show Me The Money!"

Tens Of Thousands Of Americans Stranded In Lebanon...US Govt. Making Citizens Pay For Evacuations...

Before being evacuated on U.S.-chartered ships, Americans are being asked to sign promissory notes to repay the U.S. government for the journey.

World Goes To Hell - Meanwhile, At Mount St. Helens....

Magnitude 3.6 earthquake shakes Mount St. Helens

MOUNT ST. HELENS, Wash. -- A magnitude 3.6 earthquake shook Mount St. Helens Tuesday morning, one of the largest earthquakes recorded during the ongoing eruption, the U.S. Geological Survey said. The 9:56 a.m. quake triggered significant rock falls from the lava dome and crater walls that sent plumes of dust to the rim. Lava has continued to push into the crater - most recently forming a sheer rock fin - since the 8,364-foot mountain reawakened with a drumfire of low-level seismic activity in September 2004. The crater was formed by the volcano's deadly May 18, 1980, eruption that killed 57 people and blasted about 1,300 feet off the then-9,677-foot peak.

Where's Ken Today?

Ken Lay takes his place alongside Elvis Presley in the pantheon of people whose deaths have not been fully believed.

Americans for Equal Justice is pleased to bring you this informative website devoted to tracking the movements of the "late" Kenneth L. Lay, convicted felon and former CEO of Enron Corporation.

Hezbollah-palooza

There, I said it. I passed through Beirut in the 70's. Not too many years later, I understood I'd never be able to go back. Ever. And now..........

Summer Reading

As a former bookseller, I can unfortunately attest to the veracity of this request. Now, let's hit the beach!

The Best Greeting Card Ever - Really!

I've had this card on my fridge for three years. My friend Kristian gave it to me when I got a promotion at work that meant we would no longer be working together.
It's from MikWright. It still makes me laugh every time I pick it up.

The 'Well-Rested' Effects Have Diminished Significantly

See what I mean, Peri? It's like I never had a single day off......

My Cool View

The sunset was pretty spectacular this evening. Thought you might like to see it for yourself.

I'm Like, Totally Surprised

1300 hits on this site. Thanks for tuning in.

"Next Thing You Know - It's A Plate Of Spicy Eel"

I love commercials with animals. Remember "Bob", the fish in the detergent ad? My latest obsession is the "Cows For Soy Milk" campaign. I don't know if they've hit the network stations, but watching the Food Network as I do, I've seen these commercials all day long. The inherent goofiness of cows hawking a milk alternative is genius and the characters are fully-formed, not just a pastiche of how we "think" a cow selling soy should behave. I particularly like 'Amanda', the 20-something young lady with the multiple earrings. According to her, the trajectory involved in going from milk to soy is simple. You start off ordering a soy latte and move on to using it in your coffee at home, and then it (wow!) winds up in your cereal. Amanda compares it to developing a taste for sushi. "You start off eating California roll and the next thing you know-you've got a plate of spicy eel." Cute. Personally, I can't stand the stuff, but maybe I need to watch a few more commercials. I do however, like sushi.....

"One Person, Devoting All Their Time And Energy"

Consider this my one "vacation" picture.
I've had a week off from work and did absolutely nothing. Time to get back to it on Monday.

The Author Of "This Modern World" Explains It All

And don't forget to check out Tom's website.

"The next time I see Tom Tomorrow, I will thank him for helping America laugh while the world laughed at us." (Michael Moore)

Godzilla's Journal

I haven't posted anything from McSweeney's lately, but this is good for a laugh or two. Click the link to read the whole thing.

June 8—Confused today about my place in this world. Am I the protector of Tokyo or the destroyer? Sometimes I just don't know. I've smashed more than my share of buildings, but I've also vanquished a ton of other monsters. Therapist suggests these vanquishings have more to do with me staking my claim to my territory and with feelings of vulnerability when challenged than with playing the hero role. Must remember to stop putting off smashing of therapist's office building. Also, mixed reactions of Japanese add to confusion. Which is it—"Oh, no! Godzilla! Run!" or "Thank goodness, Godzilla will save us from Rodan"?

A Woman's Quest

Mel, God, Gays & Apes!

While I was Googling around for a picture of Joaquin & the kids, I stumbled on this weird site which proclaims that "The Passion Of Christ" film is helping Al-Qaeda. It leads off with a childhood remembrance of seeing the film "Planet Of The Apes" and from that point spirals off into I'm not sure what, although the author mentions that Gibson's penchant for depicting the torture of men is freakishly pornographic and disturbing and I, along with "South Park" tend to agree. Clicking around I find a page which discredits the "Intelligent Design" theory. I'm down with that. Then we come to drugs and hallucinations and out of body experiences. Whoo hoo. A shout-out is also given in support of gay marriage. I'll leave you to explore and judge on your own. Just don't freak out when you discover the site is called "Near Death Experiences & The Afterlife", 'cause you've been warned.

A Slow Weekend For News

So I've been really stumped for something to write about and decided to check out "News Of The Weird" for a jump start and there I found a link to a site that's promoting tin foil hats. The last time I had given them any serious consideration was when I saw the stinkeroo movie "Signs", with Mel (I'm totally nuts) Gibson and Joaquin (What was I thinking?) Phoenix. The best part of the film for me was the scene where the kids are wearing tin foil hats as protection from....uh...the crop circles? and in the next scene Joaquin has joined them on the couch and is very earnestly sporting one of his own. Priceless. Here's my favorite; the fez. It's absolutely "fez"-tive!

Happier Times

Here's a picture of Alton at the Colonel Sanders museum in Kentucky (pre-injury).

Alton Injured!

I haven't said a word about Alton Brown lately.....just waiting around for his new series to start at the end of the month. Poked around the internet looking for updates and omigod, Alton took a spill on his bike out in the Nevada desert back in June, while filming "Feasting On Asphalt". He broke his collarbone and later described the accident for the New York Times.

"Even when you try to be as safe as possible, accidents are sometimes unavoidable. For my latest project, "Feasting on Asphalt," I rode from Savannah, Ga., to Los Angeles, stopping along the way to sample the cooking. About 20 miles north of Las Vegas, I hit a ditch. I tried to power my way out of it and got thrown off the bike.
I heard a sound like a wooden spoon snapping and I immediately knew something was wrong. I had broken my collarbone.
Within a few minutes, I was experiencing five different dimensions of pain — everything from a gnawing sensation to the feeling of flesh being speared by bone.
Talk about feasting on asphalt." (NYT 6/13/06)

What a guy. The tumble will be included as part of the last episode.

EPA to Seattle: "Stay In Or Get The Hell Out!"

I had originally planned on posting my reflections on the assault on the skies that took place on the 4th; North Korean missles, the inevitable launch of "that darn shuttle", the mediocre fireworks displays, but the early morning hours brought an assault of a different type to the near-by shores of Lake Union and it trumps any of my petty grousings. A BIG, MASSIVE, HUGE PIER FIRE!!!!!! Wow-ee. Check it out:











"A fire swept through two wooden piers early Wednesday, damaging two National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration buildings and four of the agency's boats. Six firefighters suffered minor injuries; no one else was hurt. The cause of the blaze wasn't immediately clear.

The fire started at the NOAA pier on Lake Union, which is linked to Puget Sound by a ship canal, at about 1:30 a.m. It happened more than two hours after the end of a large Fourth of July fireworks show over the lake, said Helen Fitzpatrick, a Seattle Fire Department spokeswoman. Some timber support beams were still burning Wednesday afternoon, she said. It could take another day or so to fully extinguish the blaze, officials said.

The fire damaged two 224-foot NOAA ships — the McArthur, a decommissioned research vessel; and the Assertive, a former Navy ship that NOAA acquired last year with plans to retrofit it for oceanographic research, said NOAA spokesman Brian Gorman. It also destroyed a small work vessel and an inflatable boat. "It's impossible to tell if the damage is anything more than cosmetic at this point," Gorman said of the Assertive.

Authorities had no immediate damage estimates. The two buildings were a navigation operations trailer and a steam plant used to supply ships moored at Lake Union. Five ships are based at the NOAA's Pacific Marine Operations Center, which serves as a staging point for vessels when they go out on oceanographic research missions, Gorman said. Other NOAA ships also rely on the center for support services." ( from S.F. Gate)

God only knows what the environmental impact of all that burning creosote and crap that went into the lake will be. One EPA official did advise residents in the neighborhood to exercise caution with regard to the poisonous chemicals that were released into, yeah, you got it.... THE SKIES. Locals were told to either "Stay in, or get the hell out." 'Nuff said!

Back To The Festivities

Whew. Enough about the shuttle, already. Time to start the countdown 'til the fireworks begin.

As Seen On The Shuttle Bumper

Don't THEY always work?

A Crust Of Foam, A Jug Of Fuel And Thou, Baby - Thundercats Are Go!

Shuttle OK'd For Launch Despite Foam Loss

Meanwhile, the debate goes on....except the part about the launch. Oh, yeah. It's on.

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - NASA managers gave the go-ahead Monday night for a Fourth of July space shuttle launch, even though a piece of foam insulation the size of a corner of bread crust fell off Discovery’s external fuel tank.

The foam fragment measures about 3 inches (7.5 centimeters) wide and weighs only .0057 pounds (2.6 grams). That's roughly the weight of a penny, and less than half the weight of debris that would spark concern about damage to the shuttle orbiter (.013 pounds).

Some outside observers have wondered whether NASA was moving too resolutely toward launch, a phenomenon known as "go fever." Mission managers already have modified their flight rules once by determining that Discovery's crew could work around a bad heater for a maneuvering thruster rather than waiting for a fix.

Managers weighed three other issues before clearing the tank for launch:

Engineers believed the foam loss would not pose problems for the shuttle during ascent, but NASA wanted engineers to do further analysis of the aerodynamics. "They fully have shown that the foam is good and ready to go fly," Gerstenmaier said Monday night.

NASA wanted to make sure the missing foam wouldn't lead to excessive ice buildup on the tank in the hours before launch. Gerstenmaier said projections indicated that a maximum of .024 pounds of ice might build up, within the .026-pound criterion for that area. Nevertheless, inspectors would keep a close watch on the area during the countdown, and if excessive ice were to form, the countdown would be halted, he said.

Mission managers also wanted reassurances that there were no heightened risks of additional foam loss. Gerstenmaier said workers improvised a new inspection device, consisting of a boroscope camera mounted on the end of an 8-foot-long (2.4-meter-long) flexible plastic tube, which could peer around corners and document that the foam appeared safe. "The ground ops team came to the rescue with a great inspection technique that allowed us to get a really good close look at this," he said.

Stay tuned..........

Spacecraft or Kugelhopf? I Have A Bad Feeling About This

NASA Mulls Options After Foam Falls Off Fuel-Tank Bracket

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - NASA managers are keeping their options open for a Fourth of July space shuttle launch, even though a piece of foam insulation the size of a bread crust fell off Discovery’s external fuel tank.

Exactly what size is that crust? Baguette? Batarde? Challah?

God help us if it's one of those giant sandwiches from Subway.

The Festive Fourth O' July

I'm not sure when this photo of The Space Needle was taken, but in spite of the red, white and blue theme, they actually don't shoot fireworks from up there on the 4th - which is too bad, since it's very cool when they do. I don't think it really gets enough use, since it mostly just stands around, reminding people of the space age future that never materialized. This is a picture from one of the annual New Year's displays. You can tell from the tiny Christmas tree in the center on top. See the cone-shaped thingy?

There are two competing Fourth of July fireworks displays in town. One is from the pier off of Lake Union to the south, and the other is from Gas Works Park, slightly to the north. When I first moved here I could see both fairly easily from my balcony. In the last couple of years it's gotten more difficult for two reasons. There's some new crazy law which now allows buildings in the neighborhood to extend into the stratosphere and the trees that haven't been yanked to make room for the construction have grown amazingly larger in a very short period of time. It's as if the trees and the new buildings are engaged in some kind of grudge match to see who's bigger and better. Guess the trees are among those who "have not yet been told the terrible truth" (condos win every time!), but I certainly applaud their effort, even though it means that I have to hang precariously over my railing to get a decent view. Like I always say, what's a national holiday without a bit of added danger?

The Cryptic Message In This Cartoon

.....will be fully understood by only a couple of people, but that's OK. You know who you are. Thanks for always being there to hold my head while I throw up. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Anything else would be gross.

Speaking of troubling behavior, have you ever noticed how easy it is to come home from a shopping trip with a bag full of junk you have absolutely no need for? I actually hate shopping, but when I do indulge I become like a confused crazy person. OK, a confused 'more-crazy' person. It happened to me yesterday, but tomorrow it all goes back. Now, let's move on to...the holiday!