I Was The Elephant Man's Stunt Double

"The things we do for love" - 10cc

Geeeeeeeez, what fun I've had in the last 24 hours - plagued by some undiagnosed deal affecting my skin that made my face puff up like one of those fish, I was at the ER until 4:30 this morning and I don't mean 'Ecstasy Rave'.

They said that most likely the culprit was something I'd eaten, worn or looked at in the last day. That shouldn't be too difficult to pinpoint. Around 3, when the doc asked me if I was feeling better, I felt my face and replied weakly, but with conviction, that yes, yes, I thought I was! As soon as the first set of IV's was done, I gathered my dignity around me, along with my hospital gown and made my way to the bathroom. Memo to the Emergency Room- I don't think ya really need those mirrors in there. I can't imagine there are too many people who want that kind of startling visual-regardless of whether they're a patient or a visitor; I just don't think that kind of info needs to be committed to memory. In truth, I looked worse than I had when I walked in. Way to go.

I shuffled back to my room and waited for more treatment. The nurse had very kindly turned the TV on for me, but without a remote I was treated to all night long reruns of 2 infomercials; one for "Those God-awful Songs From The 80's!!!!" featuring Rick Springfield and his face-lift; the other "These Clowns Sold Me A Car Even Though I'm A ...........(fill in the blank with -black lesbian dwarf, genetically-confused hillbilly white guy, or gal who only works in strip clubs 2 weekends a months, but it's to feed her kids"). Holy Crap-which ring of hell WAS this?

Several hours later, I was pronounced well enough to leave the hospital- meaning it was safely the very middle of the darkest part of the night and the chances of me frightening a small child or an animal were minimal. Doped as I was, of course I got lost (yeah- AGAIN, and I'm starting to enoy it, OK?....) and found myself downtown, very close to my old job. I even turned onto a one way street the wrong way -didn't share THAT part before, did I? Wheeee.

Well, my face is getting back to what the world laughingly accepts as 'normal' for me and it'll be back to the workaday world tomorrow. Business as usual, with one exception; I won't be smelling like a bakery again, anytime soon. I spent the afternoon reviewing anything different that I might have come into contact with and I'm pretty sure that's what did it. Hope you like lavender. At least it's calming and non-toxic. I'm probably irresistable enough without it, but "If it's not too late, I'd like to apologize" anyway..........