Mr. Neutron Is Missing!

- Or "How I Spent Easter Sunday"


B & I had dinner along with a really nice Alsatian wine and then we watched my all-time favorite episode of Monty Python. It's from Season 5, which was only shown once so you may not even know it exists. Graham Chapman plays Mr. Neutron, the most feared man in the galaxy who enjoys shopping and gardening and ultimately finds the woman of his dreams, all while being hunted down by the (totally inept and ultimately unsuccessful) combined military forces of the entire world.

"I want a full-scale red alert throughout the world. Surround everyone with everything we've got!"
- Supreme Commander of all Military Forces

Episode 44: "Mr. Neutron"
Recorded: 11/9/74
Aired: 11/28/74

Sketches: Post-Box Ceremony, Mr. And Mrs. Entrail (or) Mr. Neutron, F.E.A.R. (or) Mr. Neutron is Missing, Teddy Salad, Secretary of State and Prime Minister, Bombing, Mrs. Scum, Teddy Salad Explodes, Mr. Neutron Escapes, Conjuring Today

"We open with a call-for-arms as the townswomen bring their weapons of mass destruction to the collector's wagon. Then we have a ceremonious post-box "opening" in multiple languages (a forgotten gem- FP). Next we're introduced to Mr. Neutron, the most dangerous man in the world. The rest of the episode follows the goings-on of Mr. Neutron (which isn't much) and a government agency's desperate (and blindly ruthless) search to find Neutron. The agency is called FEAR—the Federal Egg Answering Room—but that's just a front for FEEBLE—the Freeworld Extra-Earthly Bodies Location and Extermination center. FEEBLE's agent is looking for the one man who can find Neutron—Teddy Salad (yes, as in lettuce, tomatoes, that sort of thing). Salad was a top agent and is now living as a dog in the Yukon. After a few meatballs and walkies, Salad starts to tell the agent where Neutron is. But before Salad can finish, he explodes. Meanwhile the Commander of all Military Forces, who apparently has a body odor problem, orders mass bombings all over the world to flush out Neutron. Unfortunately, all that accomplishes is destroying the planet. Neutron escapes with his new love, Mrs. S-C-U-M. We don't get to see the supposedly expensive and elaborate end of the story, but we do see Conjuring Today, where a magician is going to attempt to saw a woman into three pieces. By the look of the saw he's holding though, he hasn't had much success." digitallyobsessed.com