Howard Helmer & My "Egg Fetish"

OK, so a few posts back I mentioned the other 3 certainties of my life; ham, eggs and oatmeal, as well as the fact that B thinks I have an "egg fetish". When he asks me about what I've eaten, it's invariably some egg-based dish. I made a favorable comment about a cooking show we were watching because they were making a flan. He let me know that my enthusiasm was not a bit surprising or unexpected, given my "egg fetish". My dietary choices now had a name. Anyway- here's how my love affair with eggs came to be. About two years ago I went on the South Beach Diet, because I was working the first (and only) desk job I'd ever had and when I went to get my Washington State driver's license, the picture looked like a little piggy. Or a large piggy. I did not even recognize myself, which is a completely weird sensation. Much to my surprise, I had gained 50 pounds! Convinced I was either pre- or full blown diabetic, I finally carted myself to the doc. Everything was perfectly normal. (Whew!) I'm only 5'3'', so you can imagine the "enormity" of my problem. Doc said, "You're not diabetic, you're just fat and depressed". (His delivery was much kinder, trust me). Grateful to be healthy, I immediately embarked on the South Beach Diet and also began running 3 miles a day. Serious. I lost 22 pounds in 2 weeks and the rest just kind of fell off. Fast. Where do the eggs fit in? Anybody who's been on one of these "no carb" diets knows that eggs and ham become your new best friends. Over time, the oatmeal joined up to form this holy trinity, I guess because it was in the neighborhood. And it had heard that I was a really cool person and just wanted to...get closer? Well, if I do indeed have an "egg fetish", then Howard Helmer must be the god I should pray to every night, because he holds the Guinness record for speed omelet-making. 427 in 30 minutes. His secret? He listens to rap music while he's making them and times his movements to the beat. That's some crazy-assed cooking. Peace out, my man.